In case you’re not familiar with my former open letters, check them out here and here. BTW, I still don’t really understand if I’m using open letters correctly. I feel like I’m Will Ferrel in Anchorman when he doesn’t understand how to use “when in Rome” and just says it in response to everything.
Dear Firework Loving Neighbors,
On Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, and, yes, even Monday night, the rest of us really really appreciated your zeal for using fire to light explosives and make them fly into and paint the night sky. It was truly magical and a showed a talent for matching store bought pyrotechnics with a bic lighter that the world has never seen before.
Now it’s Wednesday.
I understand that Kentucky changed it fireworks law this year. I understand that the fireworks stand on the corner is selling its remaining stock at 5 for 1 prices. I get it. The lure of previously illegal explosives at rock bottom prices is nearly irresistible.
Some of us have to be productive members of society. Some of us have jobs that require us to be awake and fully functioning well before noon.
So. On behalf of the rest of the neighborhood, STOP IT WITH THE DAMN FIREWORKS!