Hubby and I have a new resident on our porch. He’s quiet and doesn’t really bother anyone, but I don’t like him. Not one bit. 

If you’re thinking “Man, that’s a huge f*$@!*g spider!”, you’re right. It is a huge f*cking spider. And it lives on the outside side of one of my sliding glass doors. And yes, that is his actual size. 
As you might expect, I’m not thrilled that a massive and possibly fatally poisonous spider has decided to take up residence on my patio. But I don’t want to get close enough to him to kill him (please note, the picture was taken from the safe inside side of the sliding door) and Hubby is convinced that all arachnids are good. Even the huge ones that are probably fatally poisonous. So, up until this afternoon, Max (that’s what I named him just now) lived on our patio. This afternoon we had a pretty violent thunderstorm and I think he got blown away. His web is gone and so is he… I don’t feel better though. Now I’m pretty sure he’s lying in wait for me and will shoot spider web at me and eat me alive the next time I go outside. 
Anyone have any idea what kind of deadly spider this is? I feel like I need to know so I can tell the ER what kind of anti-venom to administer. 


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