Just a Normal Tuesday in the life of… SUPER LAW CLERK!


For those of you just tuning in, yes, I have decided to make myself a superhero. Much like Clark Kent, I’m a mild mannered, slightly goofy, yet very efficient and organized person who writes a lot for a living. At least that’s who I am until a slightly urgent but not quite emergent legal problem arises, then my mild mannered alter ego transforms into… SUPER LAW CLERK! Yes, SUPER LAW CLERK! will always be in all caps and followed by an exclamation point—you should also imagine me wearing a form fitting unitard and thigh high boots with my hands on my hips and wind blowing through my hair all the while gazing into the distance.

I think we all know, or have at least heard from me, that my job is pretty easy. And by easy I mean, I’m never really super busy. In fact, when my boss recently told the human resource department there was “no way judges can share law clerks because the law clerks have too much to do”, I thought to myself “Too busy? What the hell do you think I do all day?” For the record, there’s a bit of a budget crisis here in Kentucky (and maybe other places? …seems like I heard something about a recession or something?) which is how the idea of sharing law clerks came up. Also, for the record, what I do all day is create ways that will eventually make the office run very smoothly and efficiently but because I’m the one setting everything up takes a long time; I also write opinions, check my email, talk to lawyers, read every news site in existence, and occasionally research legal issues. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah…

Yesterday, the idea of sharing a law clerk was put into practice. And I was that law clerk. Yesterday was a bit of an anomaly. For anyone who knows anything about the law, you probably know that most cases don’t go to trial and that even fewer civil cases go to trial. Yesterday, in my circuit, there were three civil trials going on. Here’s the really interesting part: two of those were my Judge’s trials. Like most days, he had double booked trials—the idea here is that since most cases are going to settle, you should book more than one on any given day so that something gets tried. Yesterday, neither case settled. So, the Judge was faced the decision to expose himself as a superhero and doing two trials at once OR to call in a senior status judge. He chose the latter. Which meant that I was the law clerk for two judge’s doing two separate trials yesterday. Fun! But it get’s even more fun. The third trial that was going on was a different judge’s trial—and that judge’s law clerk happened to be on vacation. So, being the mild mannered and helpful person that I am, I offered to be his clerk too. So that’s three, yes, three, judges that I was clerking for yesterday.

This might not seem like that big of a deal… and it wouldn’t have been if all three trials hadn’t been going to the jury for decision yesterday and one of the cases wasn’t an employment discrimination case. At one point yesterday morning, I was preparing two simple sets of jury instructions and researching federal employment discrimination law for the third set. I got everything done, with time to spare, and it wasn’t even that stressful. Of course that probably because I’m SUPER LAW CLERK! Seriously, though, all three of the judges seemed to think I should have been stressed about this… yet I wasn’t even really bothered by it. I still found time to check my email and read every news story published in English yesterday. I’m not saying this as a means of complimenting myself on my abilities as SUPER LAW CLERK!, I’m actually a little concerned. Am I a workaholic? Yesterday was the most fun I’ve had at work since the Judge threw a witness in jail for contempt. I feel like there’s something wrong with that… but maybe my unitard is just too tight…

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Wow!


It’s been a long time since I posted! How on earth have you all been surviving without me?!?

So, you’re probably wondering why I haven’t been blogging lately. The answer is… I honestly don’t know. I just haven’t felt inspired to write lately. Maybe it’s all the summary judgment opinions I’m writing. I think they’re slowly sucking the creative life-force out of me., but who knows? Anyway, I think I’m back now although I may be doing a little blog revamping, maybe change the creative direction… we’ll just see how it goes. I do have a couple of idea for posts up my sleeve, so there will be something new (and substantial—not a mini-update like this) posted soon. Meanwhile, if you want to share some ideas about what you want to read, leave me a comment!